you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
