What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
