PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
