I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
