thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
