hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
