I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
