I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize