just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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