My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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