She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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