when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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