Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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