i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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