After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
