I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
