New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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