I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
