what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize