she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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