It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
