why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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