thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
