its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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