Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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