I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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