I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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