we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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