She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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