Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
