They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.ā€¯ \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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