I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
