Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
