yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
