i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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