So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
