Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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