I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
