and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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