people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
