Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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