I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
