he puts the penis in happiness.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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