I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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