smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
