shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
