how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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