Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
