I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
