I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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