my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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