Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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