i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
