I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
