I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
