it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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