i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
