she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
