This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
