Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
