shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
