I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
