Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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