mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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