just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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