I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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