well you can't waste a boner
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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