I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm really busy with my period
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