Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
