my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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