his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
