just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
