I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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