Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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