dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
